.
Love is behind mayonnaise The whole secret is doing things: Do what you can, and keep doing it. There is no "be good at it", just keep doing it. If you can do it, then do it. The words coming like a revelation to my own mind the first sentence with a mix of apprehension and anxiety, the later with all the awe of the first sunrise after the storms and clouds pass. The mix of emotions blended together to form a homogeneous flavor and texture of being. Stiff peaks of emulsified emotion. this may well be called "love". But suspision about the acceptance of that by the others present - fuck em (slight smirk, edged eyes) Let's explain a bit first. A bit, as in a piece of comedy? No, a bit as in an iota of binary data? A bit, as in the mouth piece of a horse harness for carriage driving? Love is behind mayonnaise. Wherefore doth this lexical vomit ellicit any kind of feeling. It is simply meaningless - clear as mud. Hypothesis pyervi - love pulls the strings hidden in the shadows unseen with regard to the mayonnaise. Let's markedly not discuss that in detail in it's finer sub-hypotheses, at least for now. Hypothesis vtoroi (that v is pronounced with an f sound. please understand, I didn't decide this), love is trailing behind mayonaise - ie. mayonnaise and love are going in the same "direction" and mayonnaise is currently in the lead possition amoung these two. (There may of course be other's along the same path, and no mention has been made regarding /their/ positions). - [Clarification] race? There are other interpretations. Go with your own gut on this. If you see meaningless garbage and yet remain reading this, you are already at my merci. Become infected. Love losing to mayonnaise in a race. There's a part that says - well serves love right for being such a miserable experience. A drug too strong for it's own good, causing it's effected to lose themselves in it. Rejecting love, lowering it's station below a common $2 mayonaise jar? Well, that's mearly justice. That's reason. That's, in actuatlity, a good thing. But that trailing-behind 'love'-shipper in the corner of my own heart, says "god damn, if that's true - and I see no evidence to say it's not, in fact, I see plenty to say it is - then no wonder things are in such a sad state of affairs." Love is necessary to get us out of this nightmare, mayonnaise is an optional condoment that makes some foods taste better. It's a "win more" card, hardly more than Murabito M, that only has any relevance after Murabito A-L already have a place in the script. And even then... It's a travesty. Twist: The n+1ᵗʰ - mayonnaise is the physical result of love (interpretation of "love is behind mayonnaise") Gross. Disgusting. Vomit. ... Anyway. [Dips fry in mayonnaise and ketchup per usual] We can call this the "protein - water base" of the emotional construct. This less-than-good feeling of love's casual disregard tinged with disgust. It's the malaise, dreariness of modernity we have been swimming in for many years. it's the air we don't see because it's always been all around us. Putting a finger on it and saying "ah, that's what it is" is already some kind of acheivement. "If you read it and it crawls into the back of your mind, and you are thus tricked" ... well, you were destined to be so tricked from the beginning, so may as well embrace it. Gratz on losing your sovereignty, bro. Don't back out yet, because we have only reached the tipping point. The problem is longing. A longing to do more than what we are able, to expand sphere of influence beyond. That simply doesn't make sense. There is no sense to it. It's much better to kill this desire to do more. The universe simply won't allow you to do things you shouldn't, repeatedly. It might forgive a traipse into something ill matched, to allow you to learn yourself that it's "not for you" but that lack of motivation you feel every time you try to do that thing you "want to do" that's the clear and correct signal that you shouldn't be doing it. Not to say that you will never be able to do it. We are fluid things after all, it may just not be time to do it. If you can write for 6 hours then you should write for 6 hours. There's no "forcing it" it simply can be or it won't be. There is so much energy expended in trying to find ways to trick ourselves into making things easier, to accomplish things we just aren't here to accomplish. It turns out I /can/ write. At least this much. At least right now. I allow myself to dream of other things, that dreaming then makes it so I don't write, at least this much, at least at the time of dreaming. I'm not dreaming now. I have seen that commonplace dawn that seems mundane to those who /do/. They could never explain this feeling. For them this feeling is the same as that malaise I always feel. It's their air. For them their explainations feel ok in the moment, but simply miss the mark. You want to draw, for example, so you listen to them, they talk about practice routines, about tips for anatomy and perspective. Missing the fundamental truth. Just draw then. Just pick up a writing tool and paper and start making lines. Just /do it/. It's really that easy. So simple. Simple enough to make one sick seeing how complicated we try to make it. Either it will or it won't take. You will keep at it, chewing through pencil and paper after paper and pencil until the gods of wood and carbon decide they no longer can tolerate being put to anything less than something worth seeing, they will conspire to turn you into someone who draws well rather than someone who just draws. You just have to murder enough pencils in the act, through countless hours of repeated torture. The same is true of all things. A guitar would rather sit unplayed than to be played for thousands of hours by someone who never gets better. play it those thousands of hours and it will force you to be better at playing it. It will shape your finger tips, your muscles, your ear to fit it's design. If you are capable of investing that much time to the task, don't look for other things you might be better at. You already found it. Just do the thing you can do that much. That's all there is to it. Anxiety. But I'm bad. I'm bad at this. I'm not good. I truely understand, ok. Not only feeling it about myself but also directing that feeling outward. They are bad so they shouldn't do it. But now that I've seen this light, I have to say, it's fine. It's good even. So much garbage made by so many, myself include. This included. It's good. It's what is right. If it wasn't right it simply wouldn't be. I would have sat here and been unable to fit the words together in my mind, the fingers would hesitate at the impulse, the screen would stare back at me and any number of "glitches" would prevent the work. Things wouldn't go smoothly. For me, for them, or for you. It's meant to be, so it is. Failure is given meaning beyond itself, through shifts of context. We don't need to see beyond right now. So. What are you up to? I've started playing Yu-no (1996) recently. .